Shocker! Yale University to Close Its Famed School of Taxidermy

Barry Lenson

Shocker! Yale University to Close Its Famed School of Taxidermy

Yale University


Even prestigious Yale University is making cutbacks in these troubled times. That could explain a recent surprise announcement made by Tom Gandry, Yale’s Chief Communications Officer . . .

“It is with regret that Yale University announces the closing of its prestigious G. Warren Edwards Institute of Taxidermy Science,” Gandry told a hushed meeting of Yale trustees. “The G. Warren Edwards Institute, funded in 1874 with a trust established by the Edwards family, has long served as America’s preeminent institution for the advancement of taxidermy.  We must now begin the arduous task of returning the animals that members of the greater Yale community have sent to the Institute over the last few years to be preserved.”

Gandry did not list the animals that Yale will have to return. However, a source inside Yale who spoke on the condition of anonymity reported that they include a lion and a giraffe bagged by Yale alums while on African safaris, four bulldogs, 14 Black Labrador retrievers, and “Woodie,” a cherished chipmunk owned by Horatio Howflower, the current Master of Yale’s Davenport College until he (the chipmunk) drowned in a punchbowl at a fundraising event in 2007.

“It’s just one of those things,” Gandry stated before receiving polite, if restrained, applause.

The shuttering of the Edwards School is only one of many closings that have recently rocked American higher education. They include . . .

  • Duke University will merge its schools of divinity and veterinary science into just one institute, which will be called the Holy Cow School of Interdisciplinary Studies.
  • Dartmouth University has cancelled the participation of its famous tiddlywinks team in all upcoming NCAA competition.
  • Northwestern University has closed Farquhar Rink, its famous hockey arena. It will be turned into the largest Chick-fil-A concession in the nation.
  • Stanford University recently announced plans to close its Poppo Institute of Window Treatment Design, the only window-specific interior design faculty in the world.
  • Rugelach University in Des Moines shocked the world of higher education when it simply boarded up its law school last month and moved all current law students into its growing Faculty of Electronic Game Design. “We decided we just don’t like lawyers and computer games are really fun,” said Geena Feena, Rugelach’s Interim President.

Happy April Fool’s Day from your friends at StraighterLIne. We wish you every educational success in the year ahead – and that’s no joking matter.

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