Online Colleges Rush to Become More Like Hogwarts

Barry Lenson

Online Colleges Rush to Become More Like Hogwarts

“We’ve been waiting and watching the Harry Potter movies for 10 years now,” says the provost of a leading online college who spoke anonymously to the StraighterLine blog. “And now that we know that colleges of wizardry really can turn a profit, we are poised to bring the business model to the online learning environment.”

“We are now in negotiations with the recently unemployed actors who played Dumbledore, Snape and the others,” said the head of another online school who also requested anonymity, “and we hope to recruit them for our faculty soon.”

Here are some of the trends to watch for as school of magic open schools online . . .

  • Online institutions will scramble to add wizarding courses to their current science curriculums.
  • Special wizarding laptops will be offered by computer makers.  Most will come equipped with subwoofers and surround speakers to provide the sonic power to represent all the explosions, implosions and other big bangs that accompany the teaching of spells.
  • Computer makers are rushing to develop new wand-based user interfaces that will replace computer mice and keyboards.  At least one computer company is secretly developing a wireless wizard hat interface.
  • Online universities are already scrambling to introduce lines of wizarding clothing that will include pointy hats, star-festooned robes and invisibility cloaks.
  • Norton, McAfee and other companies are developing computer security packages that will stop not only computer viruses, but spells and hard-disk reincarnations of Voldemort.

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